EP. 142 ANSON CORSAIR - What If One Song Could Save Someone

He walked away from a dead-end lab job, flew to India for 40 days of yoga teacher training, and came home with a new relationship to music, purpose, and faith. Musician Anson Corsair joins us for a long-form conversation that starts with albums you can actually hold in your hands and quickly turns into the deeper story behind the songs.

We unpack “Just One,” a 13-track project shaped by the last 10 years of life, including grief, responsibility, and the pressure to keep going when nothing feels simple. Anson opens up about losing his mom, stepping into full-time caregiving for his blind and disabled brother Michael, and why certain songs are dedicated to specific people. We also dig into the creative side: the “self-consciousness is the enemy of creativity” mindset, how one small moment can change someone’s heart, and what it takes to build a sound that feels clean, open, and honest.

Then we get into the next chapter: “Return To Roots,” the darker themes that come from real experience, the hard lessons of DIY music production, and how sobriety and a 12-step program helped him find a new level of freedom. If you care about singer-songwriter craft, indie rock storytelling, spiritual growth, and live music in Southern California, you’ll get a lot out of this one.

Subscribe to the show, share it with a friend who needs a lift, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. #thebenmaynardprogram #ansoncorsair #justone #startthechange #returntoroots #indierock #tellyourstory

Transcript

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Welcome And How To Listen

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Hey there, welcome into the Ben Maynard program. Thanks for being here. You see, we got a guest in studio today, Anson Corsair, musician, fantastic musician. We're going to get into that in just a moment. All right. But before we do, as you guys know, this program is available wherever you get your podcasts, and it's on YouTube. So just search the Ben Maynard program and subscribe. All right. Last but not least, follow me on my socials. Uh, on the Instagram, it's simply Ben Maynard program all one word, or where I'm a little more active on the TikTok. It is at the Ben Maynard program. So there are plenty of ways to take in this show for your dancing and listening pleasure. And we're going to get right into it. Anson, thank you so much for doing this. Oh, yeah. No, thanks for having me. This is really cool. No, I I I love it. And uh my audience knows that that I love uh I love music, I love musicians. Obviously, this is a music-based podcast. We talk a lot about music here, and um and I love the live music as well. I love to go see shows and that kind of thing. So um we'll get into some of that. Um, I just appreciate you taking the time to to actually wanting to do this as well. So yeah, no, it's a pleasure. It's a long time goal to start podcasting with people. It was a long time goal to be on the Ben Maynard program. That's what it was.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

I heard about you years ago. Oh, sure. It was on my vision board. Yeah, no, but just podcasting in general. So this is really cool. It's a great opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Well, I it's just another um it's just another medium to get to get your stuff out there, whether it's music or it's it's you know, books, whatever it might be, whatever it is, it's just a way to get the word out to people you want to get the word out to. Just another social media avenue, I suppose, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

I'm a big listener, a podcast listener, so I love I love uh audio, right? Like listening to downloading the stuff. I mean, I I I can try to read, but I'm much better at getting information in while I'm listening. And uh so yeah, I love uh stories, and I think that hearing someone talk in long form like this is the best way to get to know them, you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

And that to me is really um that's kind of what I do here. That's what this podcast is all about. Yeah, I'll I you know it'll just be me in the audience a lot of times, but but to have a guest on, I think people in general really love stories. They love to be like a fly on the wall listening to conversations, listening to people talk. Uh sometimes it can be about nothing, yeah, but they just want to listen to people having conversations and see um you know what's going on and and get into the the the the minutia, the details of stuff, you know. So I that's it what I don't know if it was intentional when I started this podcast, but I knew I wanted to I wanted it to be um somewhat of a long form conversational type thing, you know. I still don't know what I'm doing, but you know, it's okay. Anyway, again, but thanks for doing this. And let's get started with this.

Introducing Anson And Just One

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Anson, well, he's in here because I asked him to be in here. Um I saw him and his band perform live, I don't know, probably about six weeks ago or so. And I thought they were really good for one. And you guys know me. I I have I support musicians no matter what, but he's got a new album out, and you probably can't see that too well because the lighting in here, but the um the album or the CD, but it's still an album to me because it's a collection, and a collection is an album, all right? But it's called Just One, and it is a collection of um 13 tracks, and there's a lot of stuff that goes on with this, so um so talk about it a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Okay, yeah. Um first of all, just just to point out, like we had talked about already, it's not quite digitally available. I need to go through that process, but uh this album was a collection of the last 10 or 10 or so years of uh life, and I had gone through a lot and I had kind of hunkered down at home and a little bit given up on playing outside and playing to people and uh I guess going through the life stuff. So that's why it took so long. Um, but uh here we are, you know, and a lot of events happen. That's why there's four dedications to four different people on this on this album. And uh yeah, it's uh it's uh it's cool. There's a story behind how I got the the name and the image on the front, and yeah, who's my brother Michael, which you know you've met Michael. I have, yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

No, I and I do, and I I did notice the dedications and and I want to get into that as well. Because we're gonna we're gonna get into the the minutiae. Let's get into the deep stuff. But um before we do that, yeah, I think your first album, actually, wait, that's that's this one right here, right? That's this one, yeah. Um, start the change. Now, this one is digitally available. And I've been listening to this one, people, and and I'll be honest with you, it's it's fantastic. It really, really is. But I don't want to get off track. I want to concentrate on just one first because, like you said, it isn't really digitally available. There's a few singles out off of this, but eight or nine. Really that many? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Okay. I you gotta look at the most recent uh released uh stuff. Okay, and that will that will show you the singles, but okay. I guess I am gonna I am gonna make a priority to get these songs collected and distributed as an album. I'm also gonna upload a link to my website, AnsonCorsair.com, so that people can purchase the CD in physical form and I'll ship it to you. And then with that purchase, it'll come with uh 13 songs plus two bonus uh remixes. Uh yeah, one's uh one's a cool remix of When Only the Tide Changes, that is more of like a tropical house beach vibes song, and then the other one is baseball days remixed and mastered by a um producer out in Texas. So it's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Well, I'm feeling like I got shortchanged already. Yeah, I'll send you a music. Because here I buy I I go out and I buy this because I buy music in its physical form. I mean, you see my alb albums here, albums here, albums down here, out in the out in my loft is a whole bookcase full of CDs. And so I buy my music in physical form no matter what. I wish I I wish I had more albums, but um I sold them all when I was uh when I was like 18. And so I'm actually just starting to collect them again. But uh anyway, yeah, no, physical form is where it's at, and um that's what I appreciate. So when I was when you know, when I had gone to see the show, I saw, oh, got the merch table over there. Okay, I gotta make my way over there. And I moseyed on over. And um I think it was your manager that was working the working the merch table that evening. And she says, Oh, do you want the CD or do you want the whole package deal for this much money? You get the CD and you get some stickers and you get a t-shirt, and you get yes, I'm wearing the t-shirt, people.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

And and um and I got a poster and it hangs on the on the studio wall there. So yes, because I'm just a music geek. But um so it'd been about 10 years since your since your first release, and um you started to say that you kind of lost um lost focus, drive, motivation, those kind of things. You want to explain yourself

India Trip That Reignites Purpose

SPEAKER_00 8:26

there?

SPEAKER_02 8:26

Yeah, okay. So let's go back to that first album, start the change. Yeah. I had gone on a trip to India in 2013. I was India. Whoa, okay. I was miserable at a job in a lab working with my biology degree that I had gotten from Cal Poly Pomona here. All right. And I'd worked there for two years. I was I found myself going home, drinking whiskey at night, uh, waking up with dread, going to work every day.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

And um my friend said, Man, you're you, you know, you've called me a lot. You're you're quite pretty unhappy at work. Why don't you do your dream, which is to um become a teacher? You can go to Cal State, LA, and you can move in with me. And he had uh this really cool ranch style five-bedroom house in uh Monterey Park. And uh it was his grandmother's house. And his grandmother was getting older and she had moved out into um assisted living, actually with the parents, um, grandparents, but um yeah, so I was like, man, he's like, and then you can do that India trip you've always wanted to do. And I was like, Okay, okay, check, I'm in, and um, I start the process and I I end up going, and while I'm there, it was uh yoga teacher training for 40 days and 40 nights, and there was about 45 people in this school, which was actually uh a converted hotel, and we all had our own individual room, so we had our room and ensuite, and and then we got up every day and we we studied uh yoga and did the postures and all the stuff, and then um anatomy, physiology. It was about four four hours of yoga, four hours of class. And I left that place um completely reinvigorated, you know. Uh it it was um also a vegetarian diet. There's also in the in the city of Rishakesh, there's no alcohol or meat because it's a holy town and they don't, you know, they don't participate in that. And it's it was just so cool. So, you know, every day I was so focused and um and driven, and it was all about, you know, it was all about connecting within and redefining um kind of uh a connection with God, really. And it was my my first experience, um, which is what I really wanted at the end of the 40 days and 40 nights. We all meditated on the roof at like nine in Rishikesh, India, the Himalayan mountains, and the sky is gorgeous. You could see in the Milky Way, you know, so bright. And um, I finally had the moment, the thing, you know, where I was I was trying I was asking, please let me let me have something. And that thing, whatever it is, happened where you just completely uh filled with something bigger than you, you know, uh a spirit, uh whatever you want to call it. Um, but it was love, it was joy, and and through the process of of the class, we were also talking about, you know, how to follow our dreams, how to get in in touch with our true identity, yeah, and how to be fearless in our expression towards our desires, our true, our true desires in life. And so I left, I left and I wrote a song there. Actually, I wrote um while I was in the room in my room there, I wrote Take It or Leave It. And I was like, Well, I don't know if this is a cool song or not, but it wasn't, it was on you know, this one. Oh, Take It or Leave. I think it's like song 10.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Um, or nine. But uh it's on there somewhere. Um, but yeah, and and so I came home with this new goal. This I was gonna go back to school, obviously, at Cal State LA.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

And I ended up getting a job as a yoga teacher at their their college gym. So two days a week, I would I would ride my bike to school in class every week. And I would um, it was five miles, and then I would I would do the school and the class and and everything and study, and I'd come home and I'd work towards my new goal of producing my first ever album with uh my good friend and producer Chuck Bennett. He's uh he's an amazing engineer, and so you know, slowly but surely we built a little momentum. I put out some acoustic demos for proof of concept, and then used Kickstarter to run a campaign and raised like $2,200. Okay. And that was enough to get, you know, to kind of just get some gas on the stove and really make me feel like, okay, now I have to do it. Right.

Loss And Recording Through Grief

SPEAKER_02 13:02

And um the the thing was is like a week before we started recording that week, my mom passed away. And so it was like I had all this new energy and this new drive, and and then my mom passed away, and my brother, who she takes care of, is is blind and disabled. And I've you know, I've known him and lived with him my whole life, but I'm now you know put in this position of figuring out what to do with him. And so for right away, he just moves into the house in Monterey Park with us, and my my best friend, you know, was very accommodating. We gave him a room and um just kept going. But you know, that next and and what what year is this now? This would be well, July 2014.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Okay, so it is before you release the first the first record then.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Yeah, it was it was like right before we started the official long year-long recording process because we released, I think, officially in like September or or July next year, 2015. So it was like a whole year, right? Um and uh since I already had experience uh using alcohol to cope with hard times, I it got worse at that point. And um yeah, it was just a journey that uh right after my mom passed, the song, the first song on this album came to me called Look at My Life, and kind of the uh message was I don't I don't want to fail, you know. And I'm yeah, I'm just this young kid. Uh I felt young. I always I still feel young, but I just felt like I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't feel like I'm doing it right, and I don't want to fail. And so the opening line and closing line is uh look at my life, falling into pieces sometimes. But if I could choose to rewind, I'd play it back all the same. And I think there was a lot of acceptance in that, um, trying to cope.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

And and and you're right. I mean, you can it's probably better to, like you said, rewind everything and just live it all exactly the same, even though there's a lot of bad in there, you learn from the bad. It's like in it's like in sports, you learn a lot more from your losses than you do from your wins. Yeah. And uh, you know, if if we went through our entire lives without any regrets, what are we learning? You know, you learn from your bad experiences, your regrets, those kind of things, loss in life, um, that kind of thing. So um, yeah, I hear you on that one. Um, and and there is on this on this record, there are four there are four songs dedicated to um to certain individuals. And like you said, the lead track, Look at My Life, that one's dedicated to your mother. Right. And uh, and she passed away in 2014.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Yeah, so it says in little tiny lettering. It is really, really small. Um yeah, she had a lot of courage. Was oh, I guess I I thought I had a different quote there. Um, oh, you know what? Does it say somewhere?

SPEAKER_00 16:12

A promise made, a promise kept. No, it says it says right before there. I I I've got I got a squint and I got my glasses on too. But it says she had a lot of courage, yeah, right there.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

Right below her dedication.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

The okay, the last song from in A Promise Made, a Promise Kept. Yeah. There's a story for that because my mom came to me in uh kind of an utter panic. It was right between the time when I was uh had quit my job and was gonna go to India, and I had transitioned back into mom's house for a little bit, about I don't know, a few months, right before, you know, taking off, getting ready. And she came to me in this panic and came to my right to my room, stood right in the doorway and just said, honey, what's gonna happen to Michael? And I was like, What are you talking about? And uh she had this, yeah, she just had this deep uh immediate worry for when she's gone, what's gonna happen to Michael? And I I basically ended up just reassuring her and promising her that Michael's always gonna be with me. He's we're gonna take care of each other. And eventually she she calmed down and said, Okay. And then then that was it. And that was yeah, that was probably now. I can't, you know, I can't place it time-wise. Um, it's really hard. I'm like thinking it was that time, but you know, it was a year or so or a couple years before she passed away. And um, I don't know. That's it's just a crazy story. And so when I when she did pass away, that that that was played a big factor in me deciding to be Michael's full-time caregiver and make it work.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

And now at this time when your mother comes to you and and when you're getting ready for this trip to India and you're going through this kind of transition here, how old are you at that time? Because I, you know, people, I don't even know how old this young man is. I just know he's a lot younger than me. I'm old enough to be his father. So that's all that's all I know. Maybe. Um, should I say how old I am? I asked you a question. This isn't like, you know, yeah. I mean, just pretend it's like a a dating every year. Um I'm 39. 39, okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Yeah, no, I'm plenty old enough to be your dad. Yeah, born in 1987. So I got to have the the last of the pre-cell phone days. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Um, so so this is around 2013, 20, maybe around 2013, because or 2012, 2013, because you said it was like a a year or two before your mother had passed, right? As she comes to you. So this is what 14 years ago or so, uh yeah, something like that. 12, 14 years ago. And so you're still a very young man, um, and she's were what's gonna happen to Michael.

Michael’s Story And Family Music

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Um, explain to the audience about Michael.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Okay, Michael was born with his disability, and and what happened was in the womb, I think they the technical term is encephalopathy, and it can be a wide range of things, but uh it's static, so it meaning it's unchanging. And sometimes when someone has water on the brain would be the untechnical term, they need to put in a stent to drain the pressure, and he doesn't have that, but his cerebellum didn't develop. So he basically has like a fraction of a percent of neurological activity in his cerebellum, which is a miracle that he can even move, talk, eat on his own, go to the bathroom, all these things, right? And so they didn't even find that out until much later. When he was born, they told my mom, you know, he'll never be anything. He's basically a vegetable, you should get rid of him. Oh, wow. And it was a really impactful thing for my mom to experience, and she talked to me a lot about it. You know, she was very it's it's largely what led her down a path of holistic healing. She became a massage therapist who focused on like herbal remedies and um, yeah, a lot of alternative medicine. Okay. I was I was raised that way. I was also, she also was um one of I guess before the term was a term, you know, anti-vaxxer. She didn't she didn't believe in vaccines even all the way back in 1987. And she had she would tell me stories about that uh that Fauci guy. I didn't even know his name. Right. But she would tell me what was happening then in the 80s. And I was like six, seven years old. So it's interesting now because I'm like, that's the guy she was um, but yeah, she used the religious exemption to get me into school, and back then that was totally fine. And so yeah, I was one of those unique children. I didn't even know it was a thing, but um she uh she ended up uh keep obviously keeping my brother and he's younger than you, right? Yeah, well he's not he's he was born in 68, so he's 19 years old. Oh, wait, wait, no, so he's older than he's way older than me. Oh, yeah. So he's she was almost three, I think, when she had him, and her first husband was a severe alcoholic, so they ended up moving out and um moving on, and and she was raising him all by by herself. Yeah, um, my sister came back in the into the story, Jody, and lived with her for a while with my nephew Justin, who I also think of like a bit an older brother. And um he uh they so so Michael was just always a part of the picture. He was first sat up when he was five years old, and um he loved the drums. He loved music. He loved the drums and he loved music. And uh he from a very young age, uh, my sister and or his two sisters, right? My half sisters uh were very encouraging. They would buy records together and listen with their ear next to the speaker and all the stuff. And they would tell me these stories. And Michael loved all the classics, you know. Big time his two favorites are Elton John, Neil Diamond, but of course he loves the Beatles and the Stones and all the classic rock bands you you mentioned. Yeah. All the singer-songwriters. Yeah. I grew up listening to them, not even knowing their names, um, to the point where I think I was 10 and I saw an Eric Clapton concert and I was like, this guy's covering a lot of songs. They were all his songs that I just had heard already.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

And I didn't even know what a cover was. I didn't even have that language, but I was like, I know this song. And uh anyway, I don't even remember the question, but Michael's it was Michael, right? We're talking about Michael. That's okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:39

That's all right. He's a great guy.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

This is about um, you know, fast forward 19. He's um, I think he just graduated high school, maybe at 19 or 20. He he finished the, you know, um what what would you call it? It's uh individual education plan. That's what they call him now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But special ed. Um he finished and graduated high school and he hated school, so he was really glad to be done. He'll tell you that to this day. I don't like school. Um so funny. And it's like, Michael, you don't have to go to school anymore. You're 57. He's like, okay. Um so, but uh he uh there's a story that always gets to my heart. My mom would tell me when I was born. She oh, by the way, she birthed me on her bed because by this time she's so fed up with doctors that she got a midwife and she said, because they told her when she got pregnant at 42, she thought she was uh pre-menopausal. Okay, and my dad was 51 and allegedly had a vasectomy. So I don't know the truth allegedly.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

I mean, obviously he didn't. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

I just know that um the vasectomy didn't work, yeah. And that was I guess that was kind of common back then because they hadn't figured out that you gotta staple it or or solder it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

But anyway, she birthed me on her bed, on the on the bed, you know. I was I came out quick, two hours, and that's great. And I she said I lifted my head up and looked around the room on the day I was born. I was like, that's not usual for a baby, but and then my brother um had he still could see at this time, and he had access to the phone. I think they had a little small desk on the ground because he would butt walk around. That's what he calls it. Scooting, but but butt walking, you know. And um, he grabbed the phone and he called his entire list of family and friends, and he said, uh, hello, uh, I have a baby brother.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Hey, that's actually a pretty good impersonation of Michael, it really is.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

If you hear me impersonating, it's because that's how he talks, and it's it's adorable.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Yeah, yeah. That's great. That is great, that's fantastic. Um, is that kind of where the the term monkey butt comes from?

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Yeah, uh yeah. He's a he's a nickname guy, so yeah. He's had tons of banana butt, monkey butt, uh, and then uh that one's stuck for whatever reason. So um everybody's get gets a different nickname, but yeah, that one that one's kind of cute. And so yeah, that's why we made those shirts.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

And I love it. And I'm sure is that okay, is that the significance of the name of the album?

SPEAKER_02 25:15

Just one is is that it's kind of it's kind of that's a whole little bit of a different story. Okay we can segue into that.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

We can because well, because there look Michael is definitely an inspiration because he's on the t-shirt, he's on the cover of the of the CD, um, and then there's a picture inside as well of Anson and Michael, and of course their dog. Which it's and it's hard to see on camera, people. I know. And for those of you that are listening, um, yeah, you're just gonna have to buy the CD to find out. Sorry. Sorry, not sorry, actually. But um, so obviously there's a lot of inspiration from Michael in one way form or fashion. So, I mean, just speak to that.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

So the just one title.

Just One And The Courage To Create

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Um, when I was 20 or so, I think Facebook had just come out. We were we were just past the MySpace days. Um, I'm not sure. I was in college and there was a quote someone had posted, and it said, um, or maybe I got it from school, self-consciousness is the enemy of creativity. And at the time, you know, I was still developing my skill as a as a musician. So and it was and it's uh it's you know, it's it's challenging when you first start to sing, you know, it's it's very vulnerable and it's there's a lot of self-criticism, you know, as you might imagine. And sure it you so I I took that really deeply to heart and thought, if I'm going to um jump into this and be creative with music, I have to, I have to ignore, at least at the very minimum, I have to ignore my self-consciousness, you know, and limit my criticism and just set it aside and and be free, be brave, be bold, right? And and it gave me enough, I guess, to get through the uh, I don't know, what'd you call this, those early stages of just kind of sucking?

SPEAKER_00 27:24

Well uh to lose your self-consciousness is to not worry about what other people are thinking about what it is that you're doing in uh whatever field it is. But certainly if you're if you're an entertainer, you're acting, or in your case, you're a musician, and um whether it's to just play music or like you, one, you're a very good musician, and we'll talk about that. But uh you sing and in listening to your stuff, sorry, I'm getting a little off. You have a fantastic voice. I really, really enjoy your voice. Thank you. Um and uh so yeah, it's uh listening to your songs, it's it's great. Listening to your music is great. I really it's just it, yeah, it's it's it really is. It's fantastic. In fact, when okay, so sorry, sorry, not sorry again. Storytime when yeah, I know it is story time. So when Anson knocks on the door, I'm up here in the studio and and Anson knocks on the door, and so I just doing some. I thought Catherine was gonna get the door. She didn't. So I'm like, hey, where are you? I think she was in the bedroom or something. So I start going down the stairs, and as I go down the stairs, what what did you hear from outside the door, Anson?

SPEAKER_02 28:49

That's when I found you.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Yeah, I know it's that. Yeah, what was that? That's when I that's when I found you. I'm singing the hook to one of Anson's songs. That's when I found you. Yeah, that's side. I and I open the door and I'm singing it to him. He walks inside. I give him a big hug, and I'm singing the hook still. I haven't even stopped singing yet. So I had to complete the hook before I could actually say, you know, welcome, Hanson. Thanks for being here. But it's a that that is a that is such a catchy song. We are getting way from self-consciousness and getting rid of all that to getting into this. That is such a catchy song, and the hook on it is great because it transitions from that's when I found you to that's why I love you. And it's that is sad. I'm gonna tell you right now, that is my favorite song off of the first album, that one right there. And and I don't know, I think it's because it from the first track, from the first track, it sounds the opening, the opening track on the record.

Chasing A Clean Open Album Sound

SPEAKER_00 30:05

It it's it's like, oh, this is like singer-songwriter-esque, you know. And then you get into the second track, and I'm thinking, honestly, when I was listening to this stuff, I and I'm a guy because I'm 61 years old, so I'm an old guy. And when I grew up listening to music, we put the 12-inch album on the on the on the turntable, and we dropped the needle and we listened from one from song one to song five, whatever it was on side one. Go and turn it over, listen to the next five songs. So there was this none, uh, okay, uh, 30 seconds, oh skip to the next one. No, no, no, there was none of that stuff. We listened to everything, and that's how I still listen to music to this day. And so I'm listening to each and every track on that on that first album because I couldn't get I couldn't get just one. I couldn't get it, but but I was like, okay, there's a sound to this that I'm I I'm familiar with and I know, but I can't explain what it is. Explain that to me. Did you get it? No, no, it okay, I will say this, it kind of has a 90-ish vibe to it, kind of 90s, the like on the late 90s, not the grunge crap. Um so um, but but kind of um oh gosh, and I'm not great with 90s stuff, I'm really not. Um I'm a I'm stuck in the 80s, 70s, and 80s. That's what my kids have always told me. But it kind of has a kind of sublime, a little bit. Um but it's it at times from track to track, uh from time, uh uh uh from uh let me untie my tongue here. It it gets a little bouncy, but it's very open. The sound is very open and it's very clean.

SPEAKER_02 32:05

Yeah. Yeah, it's cool. We it it was Chuck's um, I think it was one of his, I don't know if this is true or not, but I think it was one of his first times doing a full 12-length album, start to finish, and yeah, had full control of every song. And so we put a lot of work, I mean, a year. We went, I went once a week, six hours a week, one day at a time, right? For a whole year straight, and finally got to the point where like, okay, I think it's I think it's good. We even cut a song off the album because just didn't quite hit the standard. And I listened to it now and I'm like, it's pretty, it's fine. But uh bonus track. Um, it's really cool because I do I did I did feel very self-conscious of the album. Even when it's your first one, and yeah, um later I listened to it with you know, past that 10 years after, and I'm like, wow, this was actually just so good. It was probably how am I even gonna live up to this? We put in and there was a magic that that we captured, you know, like you said, that clean, it's it's got its own room and space, and it's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Yeah, it is. Like I said, it's just it's it the mix and the the the crispiness the production is is really good on it. I it is it the production's fantastic, like I said, it does have a clean sound, an open sound, and you can hear everything in the mix. It's not like you know you listen to to music over the years, and sometimes the bass is buried in the mix. Sometimes even the drum will get buried in the mix, you know, the drum tracks or whatever, and and it's just it's all vocals and lead and rhythm and that kind of that kind of thing. But no, it's just you can hear everything, and uh it it is, it's it really is good. And I was I had to like look at the the date of the release of this record. I'm going, this thing is like 12 years old. Are you kidding me? This thing sounds so good, it sounds so crisp and clean and sounds very fresh. And I really, really, really, I just want you to know I really, really like that. I really liked it a lot. And I'm not a 90s guy, but I love that sound. I love your sound and I love your voice. And yes, I'm sorry, but I my way is my favorite track. But before I lose the thought, there's no way you're too young. There's no way you know who Captain and Tanil are. Okay, I think check them.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

I told you I love I love I love all these old guys, and um, my mom's my mom's my mom and my dad's song was Muskrat Love. Oh so and I told you, like my brother had a collection of music that was probably four times this room. Nice, you know. I mean, it records, he had eight tracks, he had cassettes, he would make his own mixtapes, hit CDs galore. We still have them hundreds, hundreds and hundreds. So I know Captain Tanil because yeah, all you know.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

There's a track on the first record. Um, um, what's the title again? Yeah, which song is that? Start to change. If we dream. Yeah. If we dream, and you name check. Wait, is it if we dream or is it Captain?

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Yeah, no, it's I mean, I wrote it. It is if we dream. Thank you. It is if we dream, huh? It is second verse or something. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah, in the second verse. Yeah, we could be a team like Captain and Tamil. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

I was like, no one's gonna even know what I'm talking about. I love it. See? No, see, no, the old guy knows, right? But then I the there's the older crowd that's gonna have the reference, and I was like, okay, at least that. But the young, the young people like me aren't gonna know it. The younger people when I was younger, I guess. Um, anyway, uh I love it. It's a good just one was like based off of this whole self-consciousness thing, right? So at that moment, I was like, I made this pact with myself. I said, if I'm gonna make music, I'm gonna make each song, I'm gonna spend each time, every time I play is gonna be just just for one. If I can, if I can change just one person's heart in the room, or you know, like this concept that you never know how someone's struggling. And true.

SPEAKER_03 36:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

And so maybe someone sees me trying and it inspires them to want to play. Yeah, maybe they just needed a hug. Maybe they just needed to see someone mess up a little bit and give them permission to go mess up too. So I thought, well, that's a really cool premise. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna be, and and when I was thinking about what to name this album to tie it into the whole story of you know, of me and and the first album and everything, it was just one, you know, just one hug, just one brother, just one kiss, you know, um, just one hello to a stranger, right? You know, could could save a life.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

So that's true. That's absolutely true. I mean, we, you know, people with half a brain to say, hey, you know what? Just, you know, you're walking past somebody on the street, you know, and you just give them a smile. Yeah, hello. It's like, and because you don't know how their day is, but you might be feeling it that day, and they might be a little bit down or something, and you give them a smile and a hello, and how you doing, and picks them right up. Yeah. You know, this is not anything like chokes me up a little. It's all right. I I used to have a box of tissue in the studio, but I may have used them all. I don't know. I should have told you. I cry a lot.

SPEAKER_03 37:35

I'm a big crypto.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

Well, then you're in uh you're in a good space right here. Um, but it uh like I said, this isn't anything tremendous or uh earth-shattering, but it does. It just takes it takes like no energy to be in a good mood to give someone a smile, something along those lines to be positive. And it takes so much more energy to be in a foul mood. I mean, you have to work at it to be in a foul mood or to to to be surly or you know, anything negative like that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

I think I heard so I I had forgotten about that, you know, that quote and everything. Yeah, yeah. And I think I heard a story, and I was, you know, this album was about to come out, and I forget I had a different title for it for a while. I was gonna name it maybe uh one of the songs, you know, have a title track, Waiting for Everything, or Look at My Life, or Carry Me Home, or something. And uh I thought, man, I don't want to just, you know, cop out. I want to like a story to it. And I was listening to a podcast and a man was telling a story about, you know, he works with other men, and I think he was with this group of guys, and he was older, he was an older, he was an older gentleman, but he um he he mentors, right? And he was at the gym, I think, with them. And as the story goes, this guy um was looking pretty down and out, and he just asked him, you know, he's just said, you know, the guy asked him for some guidance and he said, you know, man, do you do you need a hug? And he ah man. He gave him a hug, and um the guy started crying, like convulsing crying. Oh yeah. And um, and it's crazy because like the story gets a little a little deeper when he finds out later, he just held him until he stopped, until he let go, you know, and then he he he says, Now I I hold the hug until until the other person lets go. And that was his thing that he learned from it. But he also found out that that man was planning to take his life that day, later that day, and he got that hug. So just one became the uh thing, and it reminded me of that quote, and I was like, Oh man, that's just what I've been doing the whole time. That's great. So that yeah, it has a deep meaning to it, and it kind of seems unrelated to the rest of the album because there's no song or whatever, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:59

No, but uh, you don't have to have a title track in order for the album title to have yeah, to have meaning or for it to tie together because you can just like you said, just with every single one of those songs, it could be just one, just one, you know.

SPEAKER_02 40:13

And uh and also just we only need just one song to get big, right? We could have if we have that one hit wonder, then we could get books. You know, we could but uh book we could get books, we could book stages, you know. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

Book more gigs and more gigs, you know. How how long have you been playing uh how long have you been playing guitar?

SPEAKER_02 40:31

Twenty-one years, I think. Twenty since I was seventeen. Twenty-two years, twenty-one years. Okay, what's the math on that?

SPEAKER_00 40:39

About twenty-two.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

Yeah, I guess I got another year older. I've been saying twenty-one for a year. Yeah, so um, yeah, about since I was 17 years old.

SPEAKER_00 40:48

Okay. All right. And I mean, what I guess it was probably just your love for music that made you want to pick up a guitar.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

Actually, yeah, I'd I

Learning Guitar And Finding Mentors

SPEAKER_02 41:00

had given up on music a little bit, you know. Like uh, I sang a lot when I was a kid, and then when my dad passed away, that was a big event that uh shifted a lot of things. And the next year my mom, my mom's mom passed away, my grandmother, and then the following year we got um booted from our house we had been living in for 11 years, and so that became a destructive force.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

Uh it put it pushed me down a lot because I we ended up moving out to Chino Hills. I became, you know, um awkward, and I was now 14 and in a new environment, you know, having to go to a new um junior high, and I was sh was shy and depressed, and um yeah. So I get I get through that, I get a friend in high school, I discovered that I love snowboarding, and I break my wrist snowboarding. And so this is one of those things where it's like the Lord works in mysterious ways. Because how in the world will a broken wrist lead me to play guitar? But my friend who is my first and only friend in high school, Nick, goes, Hey, ants, we can't snowboard, so let's do this. And he brings out his guitar and he says, Um, this is a song called Cute Without the E by Taking Back Sunday. If you know, you know, but it's it's kind of a 2000s song, yeah. And and it's a duet and it's acoustic version, and he goes, Sing this part. I sing this part. It's two guys, you have to have two male voices that are different. And I start singing it, and I was like, Wow, I love this. Like, I forgot, you know, how much I love this. And I he kind of gave me permission to sing, and so I said, When I get this cast off, I'm getting a guitar, and we go and we went down to uh the post uh the pawn shop, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Of course, come on, yeah. That's where you gotta that's where you gotta go pick up your first guitar, you know.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

Yeah, I bought this blue, ugly blue Mitchell for 70 bucks and learned how to play guitar, and then I immediately started singing. And as soon as I could play some chords, I wrote a song. And I I I had to bring this back to I Found You. I think it was like the first decent song I wrote, you know? Um I might have written Start the Change before that one, yeah, but I thought I found you. I was like, this has got that catchy hit quality, if you will.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

It almost when I first the first time I heard that one, um I was like maybe it's in the rhythm or something, but I was like, this kind of has a little bit of a country flair to it. Yeah, just a little bit. Yeah, but then when you start getting into the lead on it, I'm like, no, no, this is that, this is that 90s sound, you know.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

It's so weird how it I blend in some sort of beachy country, yeah 90s singer songwriter, alternative rock. It's it's it is all of that.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

It's all of that.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

It's got like that 70s, like Tom Petty ish, but like not, I don't know. It's really hard to place. I've been I just say. indie rock now and I don't there you go I don't know how to label it well you wouldn't be lying because you are independent so so you're definitely not lying when you say that but um so are now are you self-taught as a guitarist or yeah really yeah well I mean yeah yeah you YouTube and um ultimate guitar ultimate guitar tabs YouTube works wonders doesn't it right um and a lot of tabs and learning to play chords and then eventually I would take like two months of lessons and then be good for a while and then I would take two months of lessons I think I took lessons like three or four times total and and then I would join you know extracurricular college activities. Right and oh my big my big um shout out like hero um I've never met him but he's I consider him my music mentor because his name's Ernie Halter and he is a singer songwriter from Olerton originally and I used to go watch him play and I would just be mesmerized by the fact that he could take an acoustic guitar and and just capture an entire room just him and this guitar. And when his albums I got his first album he ever put out Low Fidelity which was like recorded on a laptop in his bathroom and well you got to record in the bathroom because you need the acoustics the reverb. And he made he used to joke about it like live on stage it'd be part of his act. Yeah and um after that he got signed to a small label and they they made his first album album album and I bought that and I listened to it and it's crazy how another one of those stories where my first girlfriend ever I was like 20 she's like you want to go to a show at Chapman University Tyrone Wells is is playing I was like I don't know who that is but cool. And he sings this song I was like oh it's cool I like it Dream like New York I don't know if you know it. No pretty good song really good song. And Ernie Halter opens up and I had no idea who he is I don't know his name but he's standing up there and he's singing his songs and he's just just him and his voice and his soulful RB kind of acoustic uh singer song or love songs like definitely like a love song writer. So good. Yeah and I get I just literally I'm literally not even enjoying myself because I'm so depressed that he's just able to do this thing. And she looks at me she's like are you okay? And I was like yeah I just I need to work on my guitar. You know you know when you have that heaven you're just like this guy is doing this like I need to I need to up my game. That shouldn't make you depressed it just should be a kick in the behind you know it's like well it was both yeah okay and then I then I don't know what happens but I leave and I never figure out his name and I'm I'm literally on Google when it was brand new and I'm trying to search and it's not a good search engine yet I mean it was the best but it's not good. And I'm like who played Chapman University for Tyrone Wells and it's like it's like uh Alabama Tyrone I don't know it's it just doesn't have the answers and I'm like okay well I guess I'll never know that guy's name and um lo and behold like three or four months later this um my dad's best friend's daughter's boyfriend shows up in my house and he goes Anson you gotta hear this guy I saw him play at the Irvine Spectrum and you're gonna love him. Oh wow and I was like really I was like cool he puts him in the into the CD player in the car I'm in the middle of the driveway and I'm listening I'm like there's no way this is the guy this is the guy wow I I knew it was the guy as soon as I heard his voice. Yeah yeah and then he I was like what's his name this is the guy I've been looking for awesome and he becomes this this guy that I literally like just look up to I've learned every single one of his songs like how to sing with it. I basically played him on repeat probably 10,000 hours okay and just sing along with him and he taught me how to do runs and control the voice for like the you know the falsettos and the I don't know this really cool thing that he does with the raspiness. You know you'll hear it on uh I don't know oh oh you'll hear it on the first song what's it called uh tell me something good yeah kind of hear that like raspy thing I do oh yeah yeah yeah yeah because that one started because that one is a little I didn't know what that was until I heard it you know yeah yeah yeah I get you I get you something uh it's not it's yeah it it's it's not uh me I don't consider it raspy it's more uh it's on the chorus I I don't but it's more more more whispery I suppose the whispery part long before that became a thing okay yeah yeah I did it before it was cool um I'm just kidding that's right that's right you did well when I know when it the album was released yeah I know it was before all that um so you play any other instruments um I mean bass but that's basically guitar right and I I dabble on the keyboard a little bit but that's more for um production you know producing when you just need a few chords yeah and and you get them in the in the DA. Once you have the chords in the DA you can kind of rearrange them.

SPEAKER_00 49:10

Okay now technology's so good you can just click a button I don't I look I look I don't know anything about that as much as I love music and and I have I just from a very very young age and um I I feel like I have a a a very special relationship with music. Okay it's it's it's uh it's relational to me and uh but I don't play an instrument I've I've owned several guitars uh over over my life um I still have an acoustic guitar that hangs up in the attic in the gig bag um but I don't play I you know it's just I I just one of those things I I remember uh uh oh my goodness I don't even know how many years ago forever ago uh there was this uh classic guitarist uh Esteban and he used to sell this learn how to play guitar like Esteban on television I bought the package and then I'm trying to learn how to tune my guitar by putting the CD or the the DVD I'm sorry into the DVD player for all you young ones out there I don't you probably don't know what a DVD player is but or even a CD player for that matter we don't have them in our vehicles any longer but so I'm putting the DVD in DVD in and I'm trying to watch I'm trying to learn how to tune my guitar and I'm going okay all right and I I just when I was when I was in elementary school I was in the fifth grade I believe it was uh my buddy David he played violin and he was actually really good at it especially for being in the fifth grade um and he convinced me to take lessons or not to take lessons but to join the I don't know the band the orchestra whatever they wanted to call it at school and uh so I I played viola for about two months. Oh cool and the teacher put uh yellow tape like almost like electrical tape on the um on the neck of the viola because there's no frets or anything but he put three strips of tape and they were spaced out a certain way to to show me the finger position you know and I could learn that way but uh maybe a month maybe six weeks later he's trying to teach me how to actually read music and I got lost and I gave it up because I was getting frustrated because I sensed his frustration in me and so I just I gave it up and you know it's one of those one of those things I just I I wish I had never stopped. I wish I had continued with that because I love music so much.

SPEAKER_02 51:59

Yeah and uh it is a hurdle to get through those first basically that first year year and a half of music learning right to the point where you can kind of do it in a sense where it's fun. Yeah. Gosh it's a hurdle. And I just tell people just stick just stick through the first year because it'll it will be rewarding later. It's gonna suck for a while.

SPEAKER_03 52:21

Right.

SPEAKER_02 52:22

And that's the thing right the this whole concept and there's a lot of self-criticism there's a lot of back and forth of oh you know people telling you you know you can yeah I don't know if you should really sing things like that you know it's like you can't let any of that you just got to get rid of it all just let it all go and it's hard. It's hard.

SPEAKER_00 52:41

Well you have a fantastic voice you really do and I um I really um like I said I I can't say I enjoy the first one I have I did hear a couple tracks but get the rest of it on there so I can listen to it you know or may I may have to kick Tess out of the out of the loft there so I can so you got to start the change but you didn't have just one or you didn't have the album? This one? No I have yeah but not not streaming though just the first just a couple of the singles that you have available out there for streaming. So you got to hurry up and get that. Yeah you gotta get it on. But just the change just the change is fantastic. And I know that you have uh a new album coming out and that one is available streaming uh talk

Return To Roots And DIY Production

SPEAKER_00 53:30

about that one.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

Okay that one's only available right now for pre-order on Apple Music or uh iTunes right yeah uh because I tried something new with the distributor but it comes out officially on all platforms August 28th and it has eight songs and it's really cool it's called Return to Roots yeah and the whole story behind that it was when I was making start the change you know Chuck's my producer but he's also my really good friend I'd like officiated his wedding like we're tight we're close um after I got back from India side story he goes yeah you're like uh you know spiritual and stuff and I go well I can't minister a wedding he goes yeah dude trust me the California laws like it's it's loose so you could just it's just we just need somebody I was I'm I'm or I'm an ordained minister you're ordained I can see that it's wonderful what a beautiful experience it is to um officiate wedding for someone I've done three no I yeah I think it's so it it changed my whole viewpoint on on marriage um yeah because at the time I didn't really believe in it when I was younger I was like I don't know man so many people end up in divorce like what's the point I don't know and it seems so ugly you know that's all I saw really and um so yeah anyway try trying to get back what was it side note um Chuck yeah start the change what were we saying uh we were getting back to uh was it back to roots or oh return to roots return to roots return to roots so start the change finished and I was like Chuck I was like why don't I just um why don't I just buy this equipment and like learn how to do this myself and then I'll produce my own album at home because I just spent you know a year with him and it was about six thousand dollars or so over the course of a year it's not bad. But um uh I was like man six thousand dollars worth of equipment I could definitely do this myself right yeah if I just come to find out it's like learning how to play guitar you gotta learn how to tune you got to learn how to you had to learn how to do everything set microphones gain staging all this stuff I didn't I didn't know what what's compression what's how does reverb work um how do I download and install these plugins so that I can do these effects and whatnot. So slowly but surely I start working on that with this goal that I'm gonna produce and release my own record and every time I get to doing it I'm like wow it's just not good quality it's not good enough.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

And finally in 2019 I have one single out that I it's more of like a hip hop and RB kind of a vibe because I learned finally learned how to produce beats and I made this uh you know dreary song I don't know and um I I let it I put it out even though I was like not a thousand percent satisfied I was like I did my first production yeah and uh you know fast forward all the way to return to roots it's finally the album that I tried started 12 years ago you know working on I heard um because I guess there's some sort of a I I didn't I didn't know it was brand new Anson had to fill me in earlier um I know I gotta get you out of here in a little bit we got time we got we got a little time we got a little time but I'm enjoying this by the way I hope I hope you're doing all right stay for hours maybe I can come back hey no look you can come back anytime I'll just let you know that right now you can come back anytime so it's not a not a problem but um you know I was there is a preview like I said I didn't know that it was that it was brand new and that because I I looked up uh Anson on on Apple uh music and I look through all of his stuff and I see this one here return to roots and I click it open there's only four tracks so that's why I say there maybe there's some kind of a preview and I'm thinking why where's the rest of the tracks and um so I listen to it though you tell me if I'm you tell me if I'm right if I'm wrong whatever but three of those four tracks and they're I think they're the actually the very first four tracks are pretty dark.

SPEAKER_02 57:35

Yeah there's more there's some dark stuff on there heavier themes yeah that's uh you know I write I I guess I get my inspiration and and um you know we writers write from their experience right so we we get into uh you know after this uh this this alcohol adventure you know it turns a little darker so there's the one there's the one and I don't I probably have to go through here and this yeah this is good right do it do it right on the fly but uh I think it was oh yeah as the soul rises the sound on it is a little bit dark uh and heavy but the message behind it is like picking yourself up a bit you know the Phoenix rises rises yeah yeah yeah I I that song just kind of came out and as the soul rises is like yeah it's metaphorically about this whole you know build destroy rebuild destroy you know you go through these these moments in life that feel like I don't know people have lost their careers or they've lost their marriage you know that's kind of that thing where you know um accepting life on life's terms and and moving through it and so you know fast forward to you putting out just one was because I got you know I got sober from alcohol and when I did I I something in me awakened uh reawakened and and I realized that you know I went in and I told Chuck I need to record look at my life I have to do it I had been singing it for 10 years in my living room wow and I couldn't sing the last line without crying and um you know because it was like after I screamed my head off at the end, you know, I don't want to fail. And then you know look at my life falling into pieces sometimes if I could choose to rewind I'd play it back all the same and I'd try to get really uh I tried to deliver the emotion so it would always tear me up and I thought I I thought you know I gotta get this song recorded and out for for as a dedication to my mom largely because I need to move through it you know I need to move past it I need to put it out I need to get it done and as I started to record with him and we got this song going I was like yeah we should we got to do an album I have like at least 15 songs that's great. So we narrowed it down to these 13 and we got that out and that's another thing of just like unloading like a lot of times you just have to get it out and that's why there I would I would even say that there are songs on this record that I just that the production I just don't like um and they're and they're there's they're just there. I mean that's a that's a that's one of my truths you know but it's okay it's like I needed to get it out and I needed to get it done. Right. I'll come back to it and that was my new thing too is like let's record it let's get it out let's get it done and then if we want to let's re-record it. If it's a worthwhile song we'll come back to it again.

Sobriety 12 Steps And Spiritual Shift

SPEAKER_02 1:00:36

So yeah I I got sober in uh 2013 uh 2023 well congratulations to you on that let me let me just say that I don't want that to go uh I don't want that to just fall by the wayside when somebody says that they've gotten sober um I don't have a problem with substance abuse but it has it has been a problem in my family um my my dad um was a um belligerent alcoholic okay my parents split up when I was uh when I was 14 and we left my dad on my mom's birthday uh that year but but so uh and and you know my dad tried um he tried rehab for uh I think three times uh I um it it took a a long time for him to actually finally get sober um but um I think it took a lot of um I turning his life around and turning it over to to Christ and uh I think that's was the the thing that really turned him around yeah and got him sober got him clean but so so I don't want it to go un unrecognized and so congratulations to you for doing that and and just just keep working at it you know and and people might minimize the expression one day at a time but that goes for everything in life literally everything everything in life because you can only live one day at a time you truly can only live one moment at a time so congratulations and and and I'm I'm gonna pray for you to just keep to just keep pushing through it and keep getting through it every single day and and just add one more day to that you know uh long uh list of days of uh sobriety so thanks Ben no absolutely absolutely in 20 in 2013 when I went to India I told you I had my first little God experience and um so it had like it had at least you know shown me what I didn't realize was that um my mom my mom's love was my source of love yeah connection to to God to source and I've learned so much since and I you know in 20 in 2023 when I got sober I I worked the 12 step program and um it was such an amazing journey. I I love that I that I need personally I need like this is the first step this is the second step you know going to church alone was not doing anything for me it was uh it was leaving me with more questions if not you know and and in a sense I'm an overthinker so a bit a bit of psychosis on on some days but right right but yeah going back to um to that uh experience in India it had it opened me up a little bit by 2019 I had another spiritual awakening of sorts and started listening to a podcast um but on Aubrey Marcus's podcast and he would start talking about um Christ and um other other aspects of spirituality and religions and religions around the world and um I started opening up to that and then and then here I am you know in 2013 I'm I'm desperate for a a change because I I have anxiety in the morning and and I and I had a drink and it didn't work anymore. And and had some that week someone had told me you got to get sober you know there was a car accident involved there was uh some tragic it was 2023 yeah okay july 2023 and so by the time I I tried a month on my own no drinking and it was great um and then I and then I had a glass of wine and within two weeks I was drinking like 12 beers a day a day and you know triggered triggered by a fight with my girlfriend and I had 12 beers and I was like what the heck I felt really crappy the next day and thought I gotta go back to the not drinking thing. I felt really good at day 25 that first month so um and I had gotten a puppy that the puppy on the cover and she was my she was my little my little friend like my little angel puppy. Dogs rule yeah dogs man uh so anyway uh I end up yeah I end up taking um taking a new uh like uh promise to myself to I'm gonna try to go three months this time and I I ended up in a 12-step program and start working I'm like oh I'm gonna go four months oh I'm gonna try to get a year so I get a year and um it was uh it was amazing and I'm still wrestling with God mind mind you I'm not sure what to think or what to do although I want to I want to believe there's days when I'm like fully in it I'm like oh God is real and but then I'm like but but but it's nice that you say that but do I know God is real I and so I'm still questioning things and this I remember that first year of pickle uh pickleball that first year of sobriety I played pickleball every day as like a replacement for for wanting to drink and it was September twenty sixth on a Thursday uh around noon it started but at 3 p.m the event the a spiritual event occurred right and so I'm Like not having fun on the pickleball courts. I'm like, this isn't even fun. I'm going home. I go home and I have a conversation. I yell at God in my car. I if you're if you're ready to have a conversation with him, do it. That's what I say. You know, he's a big boy. He wants you to have conversations with him.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:16

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:17

Um, so I did, and uh, I didn't know anything was gonna happen. It's just like, you know, I hear these stories of you showing up and changing someone's life in a moment. So where are you? You know, give me something like that. Right. And uh I told him if he doesn't know what to do, you could have a friend call me who hadn't called me in two years, and I'll take it as a sign, you know, as if God wouldn't know what to do, which is really funny because that's not what happened at all. Yeah. Um, but I go inside, I eat lunch, I take a quick nap, and I have to go to band practice. And at the time it's just me and Eric. We hadn't gotten a drummer or or bass player yet, but we had dreams, you know? We wanted to play the night owl, yeah, which is you know was our first show. Um and uh I'm yeah, and I take a shower and I'm I'm having this like memories and like these like sort of visions, and it just felt like all of a sudden there was a video montage of like almost like a 3D, you know, half circle screen in front of me. And it just it just really quickly, I don't know how long it was because it felt like minutes, but it also felt like seconds. And I just saw like everything from the day I got sober and started working program to like I went to church and met Tiffany, and Tiffany showed me pickleball, and like then I would see people at church that I were at Costco, and then I would see people at the gym who were at church and pickleball, and it was all intertwining, and then you know, these weird coincidences and synchronicities, and someone who knew somebody always knew somebody, and it was just insane. And all of a sudden, everything stopped, and I just heard, now you see my son, how I do for you the things you cannot do for yourself. And I was like, Did I just hear myself talk? Am I telling myself something? You know, I'm already questioning it right away.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:01

And I'm like, I'm I just probably I just probably quoted like a book or something, pretty sure that I'm making stuff up, and then my knees were shaking and my whole body was shaking. I was like convulsing, yeah. And and and I was like, oh, what the heck? And so I say, just let me put my towel down and like yell it, right? I'm all irritated, and I put my towel down, yeah, and I and I hit the floor and I just cry. And um, yeah, I said, you know, I'm sorry, I I I love you. Please forgive me. Yeah, thank you for showing me this. I'll never doubt you again. That's awesome. That is awesome. Yeah. The next three weeks I walked around like Jesus. I was just like, hi, neighbor, I love you. I would like, I would like to wave to people from the window wearing a robe and sandals too. It was weird. I was like, is this you know, is this gonna fade away? I I don't know. I just wanted to like love everyone and please that's a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:58

I you know, look, I don't on this podcast, yeah, I don't I don't talk a lot of politics. Um I have in the past a little bit, but you know, we try to stay music, but you know, if something's relevant, then we're gonna talk about it. I don't talk a lot of religion. Pastor Brian's been on the podcast, though. Yeah, you know, he was on the podcast. It's not the focus, but it's there. Well, you know, it's a part of life. But yeah, but but my audience, though I don't beat them over the head with it, they know where I stand politically, they know where I am religiously, okay? But I don't need to beat it over the head. Maybe that's maybe that's for a different podcast that I do down the road, but this one will stay right here. But that is awesome. And to yeah, when I met Catherine, she was look, I was ready to settle down after carrying on as a single man. And you know, I I thought I was gonna be uh I thought I was gonna live my life like Charlie Harper, um, minus the the drinking and the drugging. Okay, that only leaves one thing left. Um and then it after a while of that, it was like, yeah, I don't think this is for me. And you know, Catherine and I told you we met on Bumble, you know, and I remember taking a break. I was at work, and I and and I remember taking my lunch and and I'm I'm going through my bumble stuff, you know, I'm gonna swipe right, swipe left, so on and so on, and and I see her profile and okay, swipe right. Yeah, she's a good looking young lady. I and I read her her bio and all that kind of thing. Right. It was later that night. I get a message, you know, from Catherine, you know, you you have a match, you know, and Catherine sent you a message and so on, and and we talked that evening, and um we talked on the we talked for like two and a half hours that evening. Yeah, so great. And we had our first date two two nights later, and that's it. That was my last first date. And and you know, I mean, we were both a bit older. I mean, I was 52 years old at the time, too, and and with all that life experience behind me, it takes a lot less time to figure out when that person's the one, because you already there's no there's no feeling out process and that kind of stuff. It's like, look, here it is. Here this is all of it, all my you know, warts and all. And uh so she was willing to accept all that. And and I remember we were dating for a while, and and um it was before we got married, and we were we dating for a little bit, uh, it was a few months, and she just says to me one day, You want to go to church with me sometime? Yeah. Now I I was already, I mean, I became a Christian when I Christian when I was in high school is when I accepted the Lord as my savior. Um but through my adult life all the way up to that point, all the way up to the point of to meeting Catherine, um I wasn't carrying on that way. I tried to live my life with those beliefs, but I wasn't going to church. My first wife and I, we fought we we we I won't say we fought, we disagreed how we were gonna raise the kids. She was raised Catholic, I raised and raised Christian, or not raised, but I was a Christian, and and so it just the easiest thing was not do anything at all. Then we didn't have to fight about it. Wrong approach. But anyway, so so Catherine says, You want to go to church with me sometime? And without hesitation, I said, Yeah. Yeah, of course. We go to church, and kind of like how you had this, you you heard God speaking to you. I mean, I we walked into church, and this is before we were going to CVCC, and we walked into church, and it was like, I mean, I'm thinking, okay, the roof's gonna come down or lightning's gonna strike, you know, that kind of thing. Cause I you know it's been a while since and instead it was like I just felt the Holy Spirit wash over me, and it was like it wasn't audible, but I could hear it in my head. Welcome home. We're waiting for you. Yeah. Then it was like I and it was on, it was on like Donkey Kong, you know, from that moment on really.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:35

And I felt like the veil was lifted. That's just it. I when I now that I know the language, I didn't know how to say that before. Yeah, but now right after that, I was like just digesting everything I could. Yeah, and I would hear people talk and I would tell them what happened, and they're like, Oh, it sounds like the Holy Spirit was blown into you. And I'm like, is that what you say when that happened? Some people knew what I was talking about, some people said, Oh, I wish I could have that. And and I and um I just I just felt really blessed, and like I really desire to just be able to point to someone and just be like, You you have it now. Like, I wish I could give it away. Um, but you know, that's what I guess the the mission just becomes to walk in a way that that helps other people feel loved and and guide them, you know, in their own time, um to to to to an understanding of God that they can, you know, because it's like there there's so much out there, there's so there's so many perspectives, and like you said, you felt the fear, uh, the punishment side of it. And I think a lot of people are, you know, uh turned off by that and pushed out by that, you know, that punishment side. And I just it's not I've never felt any of that with the, you know, right as yeah, as we'll say the god of my understanding. It's like, let's let's just get into relationship and and see what happens after that, you know. Anyway, I don't I don't really I don't really know much about all this stuff, honestly. I'm kind of I'm kind of new to the to the realm, but I can tell you that what I felt and what I experienced was real and it felt so amazing. Yeah. So now I just I look at everything so much different. I still question things.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:15

I still I don't think it's bad to question things as long as when you're questioning them, you are seeking the answers to those questions. Yeah, I'm still trying to understand a lot, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:26

But um, but I'm getting better at it, and uh yeah, tying that back into the darkness is you know, this next album, Return to Roots, was kind of the next set. So if this was the last 10 years, there was a couple years in between that and this, where I had some songs that I had to get out about the drinking days. There's all but gone, which is yes, that's how I felt towards the very end. Yeah. The last couple of years it was very I was very um controlled by my demons, you know, having to drink to survive. I was inslaved by having to drink to feel okay. Yeah, um, that kind of a thing. So there's some songs on there like that, and that's the the darker aspect of of it. But also something there hopefully for someone else to relate to because it's I you know, I don't have to live like that anymore, and that's amazing. So no, it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:16

That is that is amazing.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:18

I have a new level of freedom and I'm still seeking more.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:21

So you know, but it's good that you can talk about that. Um, real quick before before I let you get out of

Upcoming Shows And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_00 1:16:27

here. Um, you still do live show. I mean, I shouldn't say still, you're doing live shows. Um obviously that's where um that's where I got to see you perform. All the times, all the times we you were sitting behind me or across from me in church, I had no idea that you were a musician and that you were in a band. Oh just you know, we we were we were asked by uh another couple to go see see Darren because Darren, your bass player, is in a band. And and when when uh they told us that, oh yeah, no, we'll go. Sure, sure. I know who Darren is. And then um it was telling Anson this earlier, so it's for you guys out there, really. But you know, Catherine and I, we walk into the um we walk into the venue and we walk in the front door and we can hear the music probably had just started, and uh walk in and there's this little stage tucked in the corner of this place, and I kind of look to the to my left and I see Darren playing bass, and I'm okay, cool, yeah, there's Darren. I know that guy. And I walk, continue to walk past to the back of the of the of the of the building and turn around and I come back and I see Anson behind a microphone playing guitar, singing. I'm I know that dude. It was like it was kind of like a Jeff Spicoli moment in uh in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Yeah, I know that dude, you know, and it was like, whoa, okay. And that was the first time I realized that Anson was a musician. And you guys were really good that night. Now, I'll I'll admit this though, because we were off to the side, I couldn't hardly hear. I mean, yeah, I could hear all the noise, but because we're sitting to the side, you only get basically, if you're lucky, you get half the mix. And so um it was it was hard to even pick up on what it is you were performing. Did you perform any originals that evening? Yeah, you did, okay. But I know you played some covers too.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:21

We did I think we did about eight covers. Okay, and we had about 17 or 18 songs total. I think we did two sets and nine. Yeah, those are mostly originals. Okay, and I did hear that the that the vocals were a bit muffled and could not audible.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:36

I couldn't hear, I couldn't hear you. Common problem is see, well, I mean me, I small gigs. Yeah, me, I I blame the fact that we were sitting off to the side and kind of not behind you, but but not in front, that's for sure. And so I just blamed it on that.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:52

But um the back alley has their speakers set up, their PA speakers set up behind the microphone. So, you know, that's a that's a sound um no no, you know. Oh yeah, you gotta put the speakers in front and then you gotta use monitors, but and it, you know, but it's a small place too. So what it's a great place to play. Yeah, yeah. And we're we're playing uh a couple more shows. Uh Ritual Brewing is uh next weekend, okay Saturday from 8 to 10 p.m. That's uh that's in Redlands. Okay and uh ritual brewing, what day is that? I think it's the 29th Saturday.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:28

Saturday the 29th?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:29

Yeah. Uh Saturday the 29th. Okay. Yeah. Ritual Brewing Company, uh, 8 to 10, and then Old Stump Brewing Company is September 27th, I believe. It's a Sunday, and that's 5 to 8 p.m.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:47

And that should be cool. I think Old Stump has a stage.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:50

Old Stump, why do I know that? Pomona. Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're on like Pomona. I think it's on Bonita or something like that. That sounds right. Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:02

Um, and then we have a really a big show for us is uh at the House of Blues Anaheim Foundation Room. It's not the big stage, but you know, hey, it's one step closer. That's right. And uh my manager got me that, so shout out to Alexa, thank you for that. Uh that's great. She's gonna get, you know, paid. Uh we're all gonna get paid. Yeah. It's gonna not, you know, it's pennies, but um, hey, uh, we love playing and and it's yeah, we're looking forward to more gigs and just creating more music. Um, we're gonna go back in the studio with Chuck and do some remakes of live versions of songs from Start the Change because a lot of our a lot of our songs have grown in energy, you know, and shifted in dynamics. And with like the new bass player, Darren Rivera, yeah, and new drummer Ramon Abrahan with an N. And then Eric Landa on guitar, which he's been in the longest, but we've been playing for since the beginning, since start the change, like 14 years now. Yeah. Before uh before Start the Change, I worked with him at that horrible lab that I that I hated my life at. Horrible lab. There were no windows, and I was in there for you know eight, nine hours a day. Um and I just didn't like it. I knew I wouldn't, but uh let's tell that story real quick for Jim because Jim's Jim's song is one of my favorite songs on just one, and it's called uh Baseball Days.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:35

Oh, that's coach coach Coach Jim. Yeah, it's Coach Jim. I did remember, I okay, I did hear the story. You talk, I heard you well, I don't know if I heard the story, but I heard you talk about Coach Jim that night at Back Alley, but I don't that's like I said it was difficult, but but anyway, yeah, tell me about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:52

So that's that's uh you know, that's my next door neighbor's uh family. That was Jim was the father, and and the mother was Pam, and then my best friend Josh Hanley was um I met him at two and a half years old, first memory of life. I was holding my mom's hand, he was holding his mom's hand. There's a hedge that divided our houses. We met at the base of the driveway and we were attached at the hip for the five. There you go. There you go. So his father was like my second dad, and uh he was also the neighborhood, you know, baseball coach. And yeah, so when he passed away, I just wanted to give something that would help, you know, remember him forever. It's very nostalgic of the 90s and and really just childhood. Um, with the baseball days, uh peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, selling lemonade on the corner. Uh I don't know, a lot of kids don't do that these days anymore. But um I think it I think every every child should try selling lemonade on the corner. Heck yeah. Absolutely. It's such an amazing experience. I was a little entrepreneur from from as a kid. I didn't know it, but you know, I would always try to come up with money schemes. Sure. Sure. But yeah, anyway, it yeah, it's been such an amazing time coming on your no.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:00

Look, I appreciate it. Tell everybody where they can find you, okay? Give out your socials, your website, all that stuff. Do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:09

Yeah, my website's AnsonCorsair.com, just my name, and my socials also AnsonCorsair.com. You can email me at AnsonCorsair at gmail.com. Let's see, what else is there? Um, Instagram's the best platform for me to keep up because I I guess I'm not that great at keeping up on anything else. Um yeah, I think I think that covers the bases. You know, my music's all under AnsonCorsair. Yeah. When we play live, we just tag on and company because I want people, we want people to know that there's a band in there. There's a band, right, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:45

And yeah, I think that's good because you guys are a band. Okay. I mean, that's what we're working on. You might be the, you know, you might be the uppity, you know, front man, you know, lead singer and everything, but whatever.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:58

I I'm just ribbing. We're trying to get our first gig at you know, a big bigger spots and stuff. So we'd like to play uh set the intention to play it. Yeah, I'm of uh rock and brew. That's great. That's great. We're working on it. So yeah, we'll stay tuned and we'll we'll get to it.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:13

Yeah, no. Look, this has been a lot of fun. Um, I want people to be exposed to your music. So go out and just search, just whatever, uh, especially on Apple. Okay, if you got Apple, um, just go search Anson Corsair. Okay, it's A-N-S-O-N, like Anson Williams, the actor, remember? Happy days. Happy days. Yeah, Potsy Weber. Okay, another reference from well, the older generation. Exactly. Well, I'll tell you, I'll tell you something when we when we close up here. But so Anson Corsair, and it's Corsair like the plane. C-O-R-S-A-I-R. Okay. That's right. Anson Corsair. So look that up. You're gonna find all his music there. Um, the uh the new record, um, return to roots, right? Return to roots, that's coming out, that'll be out next week. So on the 28th, the whole thing will be out. All right. And then whenever he gets his button gear, then he's gonna get just one uh completed. He'll get that whole thing out as well. All right, not just the not just the singles. But uh but what he has out there right now is fantastic. It's so good. You guys are really, really gonna like it. So just go check it out and then just follow him on his socials. Remember, it just it all starts with Antson Corsair, okay? So look him up wherever he is, all right. Um look, thank you very much for doing this. I appreciate it. No, this was this was a lot of fun. I I I I enjoyed it. And um, yeah, you're welcome back any old time. All right.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:47

Let's do it again.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:48

So, all right, that's

Final Thanks And Sign-Off

SPEAKER_00 1:25:50

it. It's a wrap, people. As you know, this program is available wherever you get your podcasts, and it's right here on YouTube as well. Okay, so just search the Ben Maynard program and subscribe. Or last but not least, follow me on my socials on Instagram. It's simply Ben Maynard program, all one word, or on the TikTok. I do that on purpose. On the TikTok, it is at the Ben Maynard program. Okay. Thanks, guys, for being here. Greatly appreciate it. We will see you next time. All right. This is the Ben Maynard program. Tell a friend.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:28

That's cool.